Like so many of us, I’m working hard to enjoy these last few weekends of summer. As I struggle to hold onto each minute and savor every precious day, I am also trying to imagine how the Fall is going to feel, knowing that the end of bread class next week will bring an entirely new lifestyle for me, as I plunge into my first job in a bakery and my evening pastry class schedule.

A lot of people may not understand the sacrifices that people who cook for a living make in exchange for the satisfaction of having a job that they love. Cooks, chefs, and bakers are all hard at work during the times that other people reserve for relaxing, eating out, partying, and sleeping. It makes sense – their income relies on having people who are not working there to patronize their establishments and eat their food.

What this means for a career changer like me, is that my cherished weekend routine of sleep-in mornings, leisurely walks with a cup of coffee around the Thompson Square dog run, making the Saturday haul at the farmer’s market, leaving the apartment to spend agenda-free afternoons walking around the city with my beloved… these are all things that I will be giving up to pursue my dream of becoming a baker.

I’m feeling very conflicted about this loss. On the one had, I’ve never been more motivated to work in my entire life. I can’t wait to start working as a baker, which usually means starting work at 4 AM and getting Tuesdays off. On the other hand, I’m having a hard time saying goodbye to only part of my corporate self that I liked – the woman who had her weekends off.

I fear losing my friends, driving a wedge into my relationship, missing out on all the good stuff that goes on. I hope that everyone will understand that I may be disappearing for a few years to accomplish some very big goals, but that doesn’t mean I will be gone forever.

I got a little taste of a baker’s schedule this Saturday, when I went in to school to make up a class in the bread kitchen. It was a bit of a treat because it was the first time I got to work completely on my own, without the aid of teammates. I got to make my own breads, from scaling the ingredients to pulling the bread out of the oven, and how the bread turned out was completely on me.

I also got to experience how it feels to work in a silent kitchen. It was meditative, like baking at home, except I was producing at a much larger volume, so everything was that much more repetitive and intense. I was moving around all day, I can’t remember the physical labor of baking ever being more challenging. I paused for a moment sometime in the early afternoon and thought to myself, “Yes, this is what I love about baking”.

At the end of that very busy Saturday, I returned home to Brian, who had spent the day pulling together a meal from things he’d found on his solo trip to the market. We drank cocktails and I told him about my day, and it was lovely. On Sunday we enjoyed a day of leisure, and not wanting to spend all my time in the kitchen, I pulled this salad together with some local beans and we sat outside and talked about the changes ahead. He tells me to stop warning him that he needs to be prepared for me not being around so much, but I keep saying it anyway. I think I do it to hear myself say it, because I’m feeling a little lost these days.

Green Bean and Hazelnut Salad
Adapted from Gourmet, May 2008

This salad has a few fancy oils as ingredients (hazelnut oil, flaxseed oil) that I did not have. I substituted a little sesame oil along with the olive oil. I think next time I’d like to try it with the hazelnut oil at least, although it was still very good without it. I recommend using a mustard that has whole mustard seeds.

1 ounce hazelnuts (2 tablespoons)
3/4 pound green and or yellow beans, trimmed
2 1/4 teaspoons grainy mustard
1 1/2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon sesame oil (the original recipe calls for both hazelnut and flaxseed oils)
1/4 cup finely chopped shallot

Preheat oven to 325°F with rack in middle.

Toast nuts in a small baking pan until centers are golden, 15 to 20 minutes (cut one open to test for doneness). Cool to warm, then rub off any loose skins in a kitchen towel. Coarsely chop nuts.

Cook beans in a 6-quart pot of boiling salted water (1 1/2 tablespoons salt for 4 quarts water) until just tender, 4 to 6 minutes. Transfer to an ice bath to stop cooking. Drain and pat dry.

Whisk together mustard, vinegar, and sea salt in a bowl, then add the oils, whisking. Add beans and nuts and toss well. Season with salt and pepper.

Like every kid, I loved decorating cookies at Christmas. The only problem was, mine were cookies that only a mother could love. Pastry decorating has never really been my forte (even though I began my illustrious foodservice career at Mrs. Fields: the famous purveyor of giant, custom-decorated chocolate chip cookies), and yet in my old age, I still can’t resist a recipe that requires piped icing. That this one also requires rich chocolate, toasted hazelnuts, and rum justifies my childish urges, since this is clearly a cookie for a more refined palate.

This was the first recipe I had ever tried that involved toasting my own hazelnuts. If you are not familiar with what these taste like, they are milk chocolate’s counterpart in Nutella. Sooo delish.

Since this was my first time and I only had enough for one attempt, I watched them obsessively, waiting for the meat of the nuts to turn a golden brown.

Mine took 13 minutes. 

Once they come out of the oven, wrap them in a cotton cloth and let them cool. Be careful – they will be extremely hot! Wrapping them in the towel makes most of the skin come off the hazelnuts. Try to shake them around in the cloth to help with the process and rub off any remaining skin. The hazelnuts make a really cool noise while they cool – it reminds me of what you hear when you stand very quietly in a forest and it is just starting to rain.

While the hazelnuts cool, assemble the rest of your ingredients.

Begin to cream the butter and sugar together. Then work on whisking your flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoa in a separate bowl.

When the butter and sugar are fluffy, add the eggs and rum. The recipe calls for dark rum (Gosslings is a brand that I know) but we didn’t have any dark. I used Pyrate rum instead and I think it worked fine. Add the dry ingredients once the wet ones are fully integrated.

The batter will soon take on a rich color. It smells amazing!

Chop the hazelnuts once they are cool enough to work with. Be sure that you have removed as much skin as possible. Add them to the batter and mix just until they are fully incorporated.

Wrap the dough tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate. Chill for at least 1 hour. I waited a day before baking.

Besides the frosting, another great part of this recipe is the use of cookie cutters. I hope yours are more fun than mine.

Slice the dough into fourths and roll each part out until it is about 1/8 inch thick (or just a touch more). Place the flattened dough in the freezer for 20 minutes (this is a critical step).

Remove from the freezer and peel off the top parchment layer. Begin cutting the dough into shapes and placing them on a parchment or silicone mat lined baking sheet. Move quickly or the dough will become sticky.

Baking only took 8 minutes for mine, be sure to watch carefully for the first sign of little cracks on the top.

I decorated the cookies with a modified version of the icing recipe provided in Gourmet. Since I could not find powdered egg whites, I used a real egg white instead and added extra cream of tartar to compensate – the result is fine for the camera but not so for the taste buds. If you do decide to go the icing route, save yourself the hassle of using a pastry bag and just use Ziploc instead.

I was alone and could not photograph the icing process. I needed two hands. In the end, the cookies are very delicious just on their own. I highly recommend them – they scratch the chocolate itch!

Chocolate Hazelnut Cookies
Adapted from Gourmet – December 2008 

Cookies:

1 cup hazelnuts (5 ounces)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (not Dutch-process)

1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

1 1/4 cups sugar

1 large egg

1 tablespoon dark rum

Equipment: decorative cookie cutters (about 3 inches)

Icing:

1 1/2 tablespoons powdered egg white (see Tip, below)

1/4 cup warm water

Pinch cream of tartar

2 cups (1/2 pound) confectioners’ sugar

Cookie Instructions:

Preheat oven to 375°F with rack in middle.

Toast nuts in a small baking pan in oven until centers are golden, 12 to 15 minutes. Wrap in a kitchen towel and cool to warm, then rub off any loose skins. Chop nuts.

Whisk together flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt.

Beat together butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer until pale and fluffy, then beat in egg and rum. At low speed, mix in flour mixture in 3 batches just until a dough forms. Stir in nuts.

Divide dough in half and form each half into a 5-inch square. Wrap in plastic and chill until firm, at least 1 hour.

Preheat oven to 375°F with racks in upper and lower thirds. Line 2 large baking sheets with parchment paper.

Roll out 1 piece of dough between 2 sheets of parchment into an 11-to 12-inch square. Freeze on a tray until firm, about 20 minutes.

Remove top sheet of parchment and cut out shapes with cookie cutters, arranging them 1/2 inch apart on baking sheets.

Bake cookies, switching position and rotating sheets halfway through, until firm and tops are slightly cracked, 8 to 12 minutes total. Transfer cookies to racks to cool completely.

Repeat with remaining dough (cool baking sheets and line with fresh parchment). Reroll scraps once for extra cookies if desired.

Cooks’ note:

•Dough can be chilled up to 1 week.
•Cookies keep in an airtight container at room temperature 1 week.

Icing directions:

In electric mixer fitted with whisk attachment, beat powdered egg white, water, and crème of tartar until combined. Add confectioners sugar and beat at medium speed until combined. Increase speed to high and beat until icing is thick and glossy, about 5 minutes. Add more water if needed to thin to desired consistency.

Use immediately or store icing in covered plastic container and rebeat before using.