For a little while now I’ve been hiding a big secret. It’s incredible, life changing news, and I’m completely surprised that I managed to keep on writing about avocado-mango salsa, strawberry cream tart, and the stand-alone amazingness of artichokes as if nothing else was happening all of this time.

I feel bad about it, since it’s a clear violation of the unwritten clause of honesty in the East Village Kitchen constitution. For that I am sorry. Will you forgive me once I’ve come clean and let me back in the circle? It’s really good news. And I’m hoping that once I share it here, it will feel real for the first time.

I’m leaving my job to become a bread baker and pastry chef.

I got butterflies in my stomach just writing it here. These butterflies and I have become my partners in crime over the past few weeks. They were all aflutter the day I broke the news to my parents during their visit to New York, and no sooner did I overhear Brian telling his folks on the phone one night, then there they were again.

And again when I clicked the submit button on each of my applications. And when I told my boss earlier this week that I’m leaving the company at the end of the month. And there they were again today when he made the announcement to my colleagues this afternoon.

The best part is that the butterflies are markedly absent in the moments that I’ve been telling my friends, one by one. Aiming at discretion, I’ve been settling for cryptic Facebook messages, random phone calls, and, my personal favorite, the text message.

My friends and relatives are the greatest ever, and of course, and all of the feedback has been nothing but supportive. In many cases it was like I was the last one to know – for those who know me, this decision was a foregone conclusion.

Still, if I sit long enough alone with my thoughts, my fiercely-practical inner voice starts telling me how stupid it is to throw years of work away at one career to start from scratch in another. And go into debt. In an economic environment that continues to spiral steadily downward. And the poverty of being a student. And the hideous hours that bakers and pastry chefs keep. And the shift to having to rely on my partner to carry the burden of keeping a roof over our heads. 

And speaking of that partner, I am the luckiest woman on Earth. What I am about to do is not easy, and is, to say the least, risky. Yet, of all the supportive people backing my decision to go to culinary school, Brian has witnessed each part of the process, heard my arguments to try to talk him out supporting me, as I am wired to do, by throwing every negative dart and possibility up against my own plan, and yet, he remains rigidly positive.

So last night, while frustrated by being bumped off the Sallie Mae website thrice while attempting to complete a loan application, only to come up with a 14% interest rate, and just having read the New York Times article about how broken and backwards the student loan system is in the first place, I paused. I thought about Brian, working away at the office with his team on a deadline, and I thought about how much I had always admired his passion for entrepreneurship, and reflected, wow, I am entirely too lucky. I immediately decided to bake this cake for his team, who is working so hard, because at the moment it was the most romantic gesture I have the means to summon. Unfortunately, for the next few years, baked goods are going to be the only tangible way I’ll be able to express my love and gratitude, but this cake was a wonderful way to start.

Mocha-Walnut Marbled Bundt Cake Recipe
Adapted from Baking: From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan
 

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup finely ground walnuts

1 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. salt

2 sticks plus 2 tbsp. unsalted butter, room temperature

3 oz. bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

1/4 cup coffee, hot or cold

1 tsp. finely ground instant coffee or instant espresso powder

1 3/4 cups sugar

4 large eggs, room temperature

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup whole milk, room temperature

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Use a 12 cup bundt pan. Don’t put it on a baking sheet – you want the heat to circulate through the Bundt’s inner tube.

Whisk together the flour, ground walnuts, baking powder and salt.

Set a heatproof bowl over a pan of simmering water. Put 2 tbps. of the butter into the bowl, along with the coffee, chocolate and instant coffee. Heat the mixture, stirring often, until melt and smooth and creamy. Remove from heat. (I do this step in the microwave, stirring every 20 seconds. It doesn’t take long.)

Beat together the remaining butter and the sugar at medium speed for about 3 minutes – you’ll have a thick paste; this won’t be light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs one by one, beating well after each addition. The mixture should look smooth and satiny. Beat in the vanilla extract. Reduce the mixer to low and add the dry ingredients and the milk alternately, adding the dry in 3 portions and the milk in 2 (begin and end with the dry).

Scrape a little less than half the batter into the bowl with the chocolate mixture and, using a spatula, blend thoroughly.

Either layer the two batters or alternate spoonfuls of light and dark batter in the pan. When all the batter is in the pan, swirl a knife sparingly through the batters to marble them.

Bake for 60-75 minutes or until a thin knife insereted deep into the centre of the cake comes out clean. Transfer the Bundt pan to a rack and let cool for 10 minutes before unmolding, then cool the cake completely on the rack.